LONDON — Hundreds of British men are risking a Valentine’s Day anticlimax for their partners by stocking up on anatomy-boosting underpants ahead of the most romantic weekend of the year.

British department store group Debenhams said Thursday it had seen a 76 percent surge in online sales of the 18 pounds-a-pair ($28) underwear in the past week.

The pants work by using a lift and hold feature at the front, like a male version of the cleavage-boosting Wonderbra.

“The briefs mean that no man ever needs to feel inadequate again on the most passionate day of the social calendar,” said Rob Faucherand, head of men’s accessories buying at Debenhams.

“However we can’t be held responsible for what happens once the pants come off,” he added.

SOURCE: Reuters

Despite having served for years as a distinguished Pakistani diplomat, Akbar Zeb reportedly cannot receive accreditation as Pakistan’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia. The reason, apparently, has nothing to do with his credentials, and everything to do with his name — which, in Arabic, translates to “biggest dick.”

According to this Arabic-language article in the Arab Times, Pakistan had previously floated Zeb’s name as ambassador to the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, only to have him rejected for the same reason. One can only assume that submitting Zeb’s name to a number of Arabic-speaking countries is some unique form of punishment designed by the Pakistani Foreign Ministry — or the result of a particularly egregious cockup.

SOURCE: ForeignPolicy.com

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

SOURCE: Minneapolis Star Tribune

ROME — A Sicilian man stole sweets and a packet of chewing gum so he could get arrested and spend New Year’s Eve in a jail cell rather than be with his wife and relatives, Italian media reported.

The 35-year old Sicilian first showed up at a police station asking to be arrested because he preferred spending the night in prison rather than with his family, but was rebuffed because he had not committed a crime, the Agi news agency said.

The man immediately went to a tobacco shop next door, where he threatened the owner with a box cutter as he grabbed a few sweets and a packet of gum. He then waited until police arrived to arrest him for robbery, the news agency said.

SOURCE: Reuters

VAIL, Colo. – A living nativity scene in near the Colorado ski resort of Vail almost had to go without two crucial actors when two donkeys escaped.

The nativity scene is an annual tradition for Eagle River Presbyterian Church in the Vail Valley. Pastor Rob Wilson says two borrowed donkeys were being held in a fenced-in pen for the event Wednesday night, but the animals pushed their way through it.

A church member who stopped by the church Wednesday morning noticed the donkeys were gone. He and a sheriff’s deputy followed footprints in the snow and eventually caught up with them.

The donkeys had wandered near some railroad tracks but were OK.

SOURCE: Philly.com

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND- A billboard sponsored by a local Anglican church that shows Joseph and Mary in bed has set tongues wagging in New Zealand, with the Catholic Church condemning it as others found it funny.

The controversial billboard, erected by St Matthew-in-the-City Church in Auckland, shows a dejected-looking Joseph under bedcovers beside a sad Mary. Underneath the image, a caption reads: “Poor Joseph. God is a hard act to follow.”

Church archdeacon Glynn Cardy said the billboard was intended to lampoon the literal interpretation of the Christmas conception story and highlight the real significance of the festival.
“What we’re trying to do is to get people to think more about what Christmas is all about,” Cardy told local media.

“Is it about a spiritual male God sending down sperm so a child would be born, or is it about the power of love in our midst as seen in Jesus?”

The billboard has so far drawn the ire of the Catholic Church in New Zealand, which called it “inappropriate” and “disrespectful.” It was also condemned as offensive by family values group Family First.

“The church can have its debate on the Virgin birth and its spiritual significance inside the church building, but to confront children and families with the concept as a street billboard is completely irresponsible and unnecessary,” Family First director Bob McCoskrie told news website stuff.co.nz.

The website also showed a picture of the billboard daubed in brown paint, saying it had been defaced a few hours after it was put up outside the Anglican St Matthew-in-the-City Church.

SOURCE: Reuters

ST. LOUIS — The North Face Apparel Corp. is suing parody company called The South Butt and the teenager who started it.

The lawsuit filed last week in federal court in St. Louis seeks unspecified damages and asks the court to prohibit The South Butt from marketing and selling its parody product line.

The North Face says it does not comment on pending litigation.

The South Butt’s attorney, Albert Watkins, says the company was started by 18-year-old Jimmy Winkelmann to help pay for college. It puts out products with the tag line “Never Stop Relaxing,” a parody of The North Face line, “Never Stop Exploring.”

The parody company sells T-shirts, fleece jackets and sweatshirts on its Web site.

SOURCE: CNews

A Tennessee man’s homeowners insurance apparently doesn’t cover “acts of cow.” Jerry Lynn Davis called the Hawkins County Sheriff’s office on Thursday, complaining that a neighbor’s cows had been licking his house. In the process, Davis says the curious bovines did about $100 in damage by ripping off a screen window, cracking the glass and pulling down a gutter.

The Kingsport Times-News reports that Davis’ home is just a couple of feet from a fence enclosing the cows’ pasture. They managed to poke their heads through to lick the house, though a deputy’s report did not indicate what made the house so tasty.

Deputy Chris Funk was able to contact the cows’ owner, who said he’d take care of the problem.

SOURCE: San Francisco Chronicle

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week.

The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday. Court officials told The Birmingham News Tuesday that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.

But Turner said unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ didn’t try to get out of jury duty and was “perfectly happy to serve.”

SOURCE: KOMO News

The saga of Tammy the Turnpike Turkey may have a romantic epilogue.

Finally captured at Exit 14B on the New Jersey Turnpike, Tammy may be pleased with her new home at the Popcorn Park Zoo in Lacy Township, New Jersey.

That happy ending is a long way from the place Tammy had called home since this past summer: Exit 14B on the New Jersey Turnpike.

That’s because Tammy, who had always managed to give Turnpike authorities the slip, met her match with NJ Fish and Wildlife Agents.

A “routine operation” is how Agent Tony McBride described the operation using a gun-powered net to snare the bird.

Tammy became a media star of sorts when the Turnpike Authority was formally notified of her residence at the Jersey City exit. Their concern was that when she was crossing the road to get to the other side (the Authority is not sure why she was crossing the road), cars, trucks and buses would often have to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting her.

“She’s learned how to navigate traffic,” said Bob Erikson of the National Wild Turkey Federation. But he quickly added that she has become a safety issue to motorists trying to avoid her.

The hunt for Tammy took longer than expected as Tammy stayed in a grove of trees or flew past agents despite repeated efforts to bait her with food.

Finally, when she emerged from the woods, the gun was fired, the net flew over her head and Tammy was headed to her new home.

“She should consider herself lucky she ended up at the Turnpike where people recognize that a week before Thanksgiving there’s only one way for this to end well,” said Turnpike spokesman Joe Orlando.

“A tom turkey we’ve named ‘Gobbler’ will be waiting for her,” said Popcorn Park General Manager John Bergmann.

SOURCE: NBC New York